Take Me Out to the Stalag
by Revcon
Summary: When the threats of a certain General Werner cause difficulties for the Heroes, they must resort to very creative measures to complete their latest mission.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Comments and constructive criticism is appreciated. I am by no means a professional author, but I do love to write. I own nothing but the plot.

Take Me Out to the Stalag

Chapter One:

It was an unseasonably warm early July night in the small, German, town of Hammelburg. In a crowded bar on the outskirts of town, Colonel Robert Hogan, disguised as Luftwaffe major, sat in a booth, patiently waiting for the member of the underground who was supposed to rendezvous with him there. He sipped his beer, trying to act nonchalant while scanning the room to ensure that a man of his contact's description had not yet arrived. A few minutes passed before Hogan glanced anxiously at his watch. As the cuckoo clock over the bar signaled the hour, the door to the bar opened, and an old man hobbled inside. The old man tipped his hat at the bartender and slid into Hogan's booth. He glanced around quickly, leaned across the table towards Hogan and whispered

"How's the weather in Chicago?"

"I wouldn't know, I'm from Wichita." Hogan said just as quietly. The old man slipped a small spool of microfilm into Hogan's hand underneath the table. Hogan tipped his hat at the gentleman, stood, and walked out of the restaurant.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Men, it seems as though this will be one of our easiest missions yet." Colonel Hogan said as he debriefed his crew on the state of their current mission. "And that's what worries me."

"Why do you say that, colonel?" Lebeau asked

"We haven't run into a patrol in weeks. Our handoffs have been easy, and we've hardly had to do anything…shall we say _extra_ to complete our missions."

"Blimey, by the way he's talking you'd almost think that our good fortune was a bad thing." Newkirk said rolling his eyes.

"Trust me, the last thing I want is trouble, but with the lack of trouble we've had, I'm afraid that something will happen, that someone will slip up, and the krauts will tighten their grip more than they have before."

"Which would be particularly bad, considering the importance of this mission." Kinch said quietly.

"Precisely my point, Kinch"

"Wait, why is this mission so important?" Carter asked, looking up from some baseball cards he had been looking through.

"Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying this past hour, Carter?"

"Of course I have! Well…I mean I think so…could you go over that part in the middle again?"

"Okay, so we all want this war to end quickly, right?" Hogan said in an exasperated voice

"No, I personally like being here. This Stalag is the most wonderful place in the world and I'd like nothing better than to stay here forever." Newkirk said sarcastically.

"It was a rhetorical question" Hogan retorted

"What's a rhetorical question?" Carter inquired

"Do you want me to re-debrief you or what?"

"Sorry Colonel."

"So as I said _before _this microfilm contains reconnaissance of the Stuttgart Airport, which is a couple of hours south of here." He pointed to the location of the airport on a large map of Germany that was hanging from one of the bunks. "If we can get this information to the Allies in time, they may be able to compromise the effectiveness of this airfield, which means we can get out of here sooner."

"Oh, I understand sir" Carter said, turning his attention back to his baseball cards once again.

"Good! Now our contact should be meeting just outside of the forest tunnel entrance tomorrow at 0200 hours. This mission has gone perfectly so far, and I want to keep it that way."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read this story so far! I've tried lengthening the following chapters, since that was a common theme in the reviews for the first chapter. Please feel free to comment, criticize, and critique. I still do not own the Hogan's Heroes universe nor any of the characters within it.

Chapter Two:

That night, at 0330, Hogan, Kinch, and Carter were still waiting for Newkirk and Lebeau to return from their mission. Everyone was anxious. Kinch was fiddling with his radio, desperate to hear any news at all about the mission from the underground. Carter was constantly looking at, organizing, and reorganizing a pack of baseball cards that he had received only a few days prior. Hogan was anxiously pacing the packed dirt floor in the tunnel at the base of the tree stump exit. Every few minutes, he would stop, glance at his watch, glance at the exit, and then continue his furious pacing once again.

"What's taking them so long?" Hogan asked, breaking the silence and causing everyone in the tunnel to jump. He then checked his watch once again and resumed his furious pacing.

"Maybe they just ran into a patrol, or something stalled them. I'm sure they'll be here soon." Kinch replied, hoping to calm Hogan down.

"You better hope for their sake that they are." He stopped his pacing and looked at his watch again. Sighing heavily he then said, "If they're not here in fifteen minutes, I may do something really foolish and go out after them." Hogan continued to pace about the room, and things carried on much as they had for the next five minutes. The only sound that could be heard was the soft tread of the Colonel's footsteps and the noise Carter was making as he looked through his baseball cards. A few more minutes passed. Hogan stopped his pacing once again and glared daggers over at Carter

"And would you please stop playing with those infernal baseball cards?"

"Sorry, Colonel" Carter said sheepishly as Hogan once again resumed his furious pacing. Suddenly, a noise could be heard from above. Hogan raced over to the base of the ladder as Newkirk and Lebeau quickly scurried down.

"What happened?" Hogan said as the men doubled over, attempting to catch their breath.

"We...we were…surrounded…patrols…everywhere…" Lebeau gasped out between quick, heavy breaths.

"They got to our...contact before we could" Newkirk said, breathing just as heavily.

"We were standing…outside the clearing…where we were supposed to meet… saw the filthy bosche," Lebeau practically spat the word, "arrest him."

"Great. That's just perfect. So you still have the microfilm?" Hogan said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Right here, Colonel." Lebeau said handing the small roll of microfilm to him.

"Well at least we still have that. Not that it's going to do our side any good in our hands." Hogan said, "We've got to figure out another way to get that film to the underground and fast."

"Maybe we should just wait until morning." Kinch said, yawning loudly "At this rate, we'll be lucky to get even a couple hours of sleep, and after the events of last night it is very likely that Klink will have roll call early."

"Yeah, besides Klink'll probably just increase the patrols for a few days like he always does. We'll just have to be extra cautious is all." Carter said,

Hogan paced back and forth in the tunnel for a few minutes, pausing every couple of seconds as if to contemplate something before resuming. After a few moments, Hogan answered,

"You know what? Carter's right. No need to get worked up over a little slip up. With any luck, our mission should continue without a hitch."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Roll call! Raus, raus, raus!" Schultz yelled at the prisoners, shaking them as they lay in their bunks. The men all groaned in unison as they got out of their bunks and started to prepare for the day.

"Aw, come on Schultz, it's too early to be…" Carter checked his watch "Actually, it's not too early to be getting up for roll call." He said, bewildered

"Now that's what I like to hear!" Schultz said exuberantly as he continued to shake the men in their bunks, "come on then, raus everybody, raus! Roll call! If you are not out in five minutes, I'm sending you all to the Russian front!"

"Really, Schultzy? You promise?" Newkirk asked

"Gah! You know what I meant…cooler or something. Mein Gott I need coffee." Schultz said, grabbing his head and exiting the barracks. As soon as he left, the men gathered around Hogan who had just exited from his separate living quarters.

"What do you suppose this means?" Kinch asked as the men continued to prepare for roll call.

"Well, it means that if we deprive Schultz of coffee for long enough…"

"Carter…"

"Just trying to lighten the mood a little, Colonel." Carter said sheepishly

"You know, normally I would never complain about not having an early roll call," Newkirk added, "But what do you suppose the Germans are up to?"

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it can't be good."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading this story! As always, feel free to comment, critique, and criticize. Disclaimer: I don't own Hogan's Heroes.

**Chapter Three:**

"Now, you two swear that you saw our contact get captured by German soldiers last night?" Hogan said, looking at both Lebeau and Newkirk seriously.

"I swear on the French flag…no, the Bible…I swear on the Bible wrapped in a French flag that that is exactly what happened!" Lebeau said earnestly.

"Same here, guv'nor that's exactly what we saw, honest!" Newkirk said

"Then why wasn't Klink rubbing it in our faces at roll call this morning?" Hogan exclaimed, "He never once mentioned anything about a prisoner, or about the glory of the Fatherland or anything!"

"I think your answer just rolled through that gate, colonel." Kinch said, nodding at the open window that displayed a black staff car rolling up to the gates of the Stalag.

"Lebeau, the coffee pot." Hogan said as the men gathered around the table.

"Oui monsieur." Lebeau said as he brought the radio over. The men leaned towards the pot as voices began to drift through.

"Colonel Klink, enough with the formalities." a nasally voice said in an even, menacing tone.

"Of course, General Werner, of course. Now, what is it you wished to talk about?" Klink said, his voice eager

"Do you, or do you not know what we, the Gestapo, found in your woods last night?" General Werner said slowly and quietly.

"I have absolutely no idea!" Klink said. Compared to General Werner's tone, it was much, much too upbeat and lighthearted.

"What we found, Colonel, was a man."

"I can assure you, General, no prisoners were missing from roll call this morning." Klink replied jovially.

"Oh, Colonel, this man was no prisoner." The general hissed quietly. The men in the barracks looked at each other in alarm.

"If the Gestapo found our contact, this could mean the end of our whole operation!" Carter exclaimed. The men looked at each other, the worry evident on their faces.

"Well let's just hope he didn't squeal." Kinch said solemnly

"Sh, quiet!" Hogan said as Klink's voice could be heard over the radio once again.

"Well, then I fail to see how this is any concern of ours!"

"Unfortunately, one of my idiot majors sent the man off to Berlin before I could get any information out of him. We can only assume that he was trying to help some of your prisoners escape."

"Well, he was obviously unsuccessful, wasn't he Herr General? May I offer my congratulations on a splendid victory for the Third Reich?"

"I was not yet finished, Klink!" The man's outburst caused all of the men who were listening in to jump a bit in their seats. A few moments of silence from both the radio and the barracks reigned, until General Werner's hissing, sinister voice once again came through the radio. "My question is this. My men claim that they did not run into a patrol from the prison camp throughout the entire pursuit and arrest. Is that not odd, Colonel?" Klink, wisely, did not respond. "And may I ask where the patrols were?"

"Um…sir…w-w-well you see. The patrols may have ju-just missed your men. Trust me, the men who were on duty that night will be found and punished accordingly."

"See that they are. It would be alarming if you found yourself transferred to a post that is far less…pleasant than this one."

"I will increase patrols immediately, sir!"

"See that you do. The underground resistance seems to be trying to either release or contact prisoners in this camp and we want to know why. We will be watching you closely Klink…very closely. See that a slip up like this does not occur again."

"Yes, sir!"

"Heil Hitler." The sound of a door slamming could then be heard through the radio. All of the men in the barracks were silent as Lebeau turned off the coffee pot.

"Now what are we going to do?" Carter asked. Hogan did not answer, but instead began to slowly walk in a circle around the table. The men stayed quiet for a few minutes, no one dared to make any noise whatsoever. Hogan continued to walk around the barracks, deep in thought, until Kinch said,

"This General Werner sounds like bad news."

"Klink would send the whole bleedin' army into those woods if he felt that it would get that slimy kraut off of his back." Newkirk added.

"Uh-oh. Looks like we've got company." Carter said from his post at the window, "The bald eagle and the stuffed turkey are heading this way." The men quickly arranged themselves, trying to look as natural as possible as Colonel Klink and Sergeant Schultz burst into the barracks.

"Gentlemen, I have an announcement! I am quadrupling the patrols outside of the gates, enacting an eight o'clock curfew, and starting to do three supplemental roll calls every day." Klink announced in a voice that was completely overflowing with falsified confidence. Hogan opened his mouth to complain, but Klink cut him off, saying "And don't you dare complain Hogan! The last time I checked I was in charge of this camp, and as such my word is law!" Klink humphed and once again stormed out of the barracks.

"Well, he sure is thorough when he is scared, oui?" Lebeau said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Hogan sighed and walked over to the window.

"Just our luck, Klink decides to actually run this camp properly when we have an important mission to complete. There's just got to be a way to get that microfilm out of the camp." Hogan said, deep in thought, "Anyone got any ideas?"

"No, sir," Carter said, looking at everyone else, "You're the one in charge of ideas."

"That's what I was afraid you'd say." Hogan sighed, leaning his head against the windowpane.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and commenting on this story! You guys are the best. Now, truthfully, this isn't my favorite chapter. I wrote it, rewrote it, scrapped it, and rewrote it again and finally decided to publish it as is. As always, comments and critiques are very much appreciated. Also, I do not own Hogan's Heroes.

Chapter Four:

One week passed, and Hogan still had absolutely no idea how to get the microfilm into Allied hands. Klink's security was so tight, that the men could hardly even meet without being interrupted by a roll call, a bed inspection, or a guard patrol. London was constantly radio calling, asking for updates and rendezvous information. They were getting extremely impatient.

One evening, the men were sitting around the table in the barracks. Most of the men were occupying themselves with various hobbies, but Hogan simply sat, staring into space and thinking.

He was getting desperate

They all were getting desperate.

Sighing, Hogan began to pace around the room. Nothing broke the silence except for Carter, who was looking through his large stack of baseball cards.

"Lookee here!" Carter exclaimed loudly, causing everyone in the room to nearly jump out of their seats.

"What is it?"

"I got a DiMaggio! Look at that, a Joe DiMaggio baseball card!"

"And who, may I ask, is Joe DiMaggio?" Newkirk asked, acting disinterested

"Don't tell me you don't know who Joe DiMaggio is! He's probably the best baseball player of our era! He's in the army right now, but let me tell you the guy's a legend!"

"It's too bad he plays for the Yankees though, I could almost like the guy except for that." Kinch said in a dry voice. Carter looked at him in astonishment.

"Don't tell me you're a Red Sox fan!"

"I'm a Red Sox fan."

"And here I thought we were friends." The men chuckled slightly, and then silence once again reigned in the room.

"You know," Carter began, "I used to play baseball. After the…mishap involving the chemistry lab in my high school, my parents forced me to find a less dangerous after-school activity, so I joined the baseball team. The Rutherford B. Hayes Fighting Bunnies were the first in the league the year that I was on the team. I had the best hitting percentage on the team too. I remember my first home run…I hit that baby right out of the park!"

"Well it's too bad that we can't just hit the microfilm right out of the camp." Lebeau said, going back to reading his book. To everyone's astonishment, the previously silent Hogan began to laugh. The men looked up in astonishment as his laughter grew from an amused chuckle into a full belly laugh.

"You guys may have just given me an idea." Hogan said, grabbing his hat and walking towards the door. "If this works, I'm either the craziest man in the world or the luckiest."

"Personally," Newkirk said as Hogan closed the door behind him, "I've always been inclined to believe that he's both."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing! Here's the next chapter and, as always, I do not own Hogan's Heroes.

Chapter Five:

"Colonel Hogan to see you mein Colonel" Helga said to Klink, who sat inside of his office.

"Tell him to go away! Can't you see I'm very busy?"

"Aw, come on Kommandant! This will only take a few seconds," Hogan said, forcing his way into the room.

"Alright alright what is it Hogan! As you can see, I am positively buried in paperwork! The guards are complaining about the increased patrols and the roll calls and filling out these forms is just so tedious!"

"Oh, now that's a shame. Hey, the men were wondering if we could have a friendly game of baseball between the guards and ourselves. Give your men a break! Their quadruple patrols are tiring them out you know. Morale's at an all time low! You can't tell me that that would look good going out in a report to Berlin."

"Request denied. Honestly Hogan, if you wanted to have a competition between the guards and the prisoners, you should have chosen a sport that Germans are good at!"

"Like what?"

"Shot-put, we are very good at shot-put. And gymnastics."

"Sir, I hardly believe that you would allow POW's to throw cannonballs and vault over the fences."

"Quite right, Hogan! I was merely giving examples, not suggestions. Now please go away, I have already given my answer."

"Well, how about we let you throw out the ceremonial first pitch."

"I said that I have given my answer, Hogan!"

"How about we let you be the pitcher for the guards' team? Imagine leading a superior German team to victory over the inferior, completely cowed US prisoners." Hogan said, pouring a glass of alcohol for both himself and Klink.

"Oh, I quite like that" Klink said, taking one of the glasses from Hogan and sipping it thoughtfully.

"I can see it now! Kommandant Klink- exhibiting the glorious power of the Third Reich by making an absolute mockery of the Americans in his camp by beating them at their own game. Well, as you said you have given your answer so…" Hogan drained his glass and began to walk towards the door.

"Wait! I've changed my mind!"

"It's settled then! How about we have the game tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Oh but it's so soon! I really have no time to prepare…well, all right. The sooner we get this done the better. But I warn you, Hogan! No funny business! In fact, I think that I am going to have all of the men who are not playing stand at roll call so they can be watched by the guards just to make sure you are not using this as a distraction for anything."

"Come on, Kommandant! What could we, the thoroughly cowed POW's do when you and your men were playing a friendly game of baseball?"

"I don't know, Hogan, and that's what worries me."

"Come on, sir, you don't have to watch us that closely. I mean, this is the only prison camp in Germany that has never had any escapes, right?"

"That's the way I'd like to keep it, Hogan! I can't afford to have any escapes, especially with General Werner watching me like a hawk. In fact, I have decided that I am pulling all of the patrols in on that day to make sure that none of the prisoners attempt to escape during the game. Now go away, I am far too busy to deal with your nonsense any longer." Klink said as he returned to shuffling through the papers on his desk. Hogan turned and gave Klink a casual salute before he sauntered out of his office and towards the barracks.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed this story so far! We're getting close to the end, as there are only two chapters after this one. As always, constructive criticism is welcomed and I do not own Hogan's Heroes.

Chapter Six:

"Men," Hogan said as he walked into the barracks, "I'm afraid that operation 'Distract the Kraut' did not work out exactly as I had planned."

"What do you mean, mon Colonel?" Lebeau said

"I was hoping that Klink would pull some of his patrols in so we could send a man out to meet with our contact." Hogan said as he sat down at the table.

"What did he do instead?" Kinch asked

"Oh, he still pulled the patrols out of the woods, but he's making all of the prisoners who are not participating in the game stand in their roll call lines until the game is over."

"That's bloody brilliant. Now how are we going to get that microfilm outside of the wire?" Newkirk asked

"I have absolutely no idea."

"I have an idea Colonel," Carter said, looking up from his baseball card collection, "and it just might work."

"Carter? Since when do you have ideas?" Lebeau asked incredulously

"Well, I guess since now." Carter replied sheepishly

"Well, I guess anything is better than a dead end," Hogan said, "So what is it?"

XXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Colonel, come over here and see what Carter's made" Kinch said, as he and Carter walked into Hogan's office the next morning.

"I'm sorry to break this to you, Carter, but I'm fairly certain that the baseball has already been invented. It was worth a shot though." Hogan said sarcastically

"This isn't an ordinary baseball, Colonel!" Carter exclaimed.

"I can see that, Carter, it's obviously been painted yellow" Hogan replied.

"It's not just that, though that was Kinch's idea. It should help our contact from the underground with visibility. But, look here, you see this seam? Well if we twist the baseball just like so it comes apart. See? We hollowed it out and made some other adjustments to allow the microfilm to sit inside."

"Carter, I must say that I am surprised. That is absolutely genius." Hogan said

"He does have his moments." Kinch said wryly

"Now all we need to do is hit the ball over the fence." Hogan said as Lebeau rushed into the room.

"Colonel, Klink has pulled in all but one of his patrols for the game." He said quickly

"Perfect! Now comes the easy part, right Carter?" Hogan said happily

"Uh…the easy part? What do you mean by that Colonel?" Carter replied, pulling at his collar and glancing around the room nervously.

"You were the best hitter on your high school team, right?" Hogan said, apparently not noticing Carter's apparent discomfort.

"Um…yeah. I mean yes, sir, yes I was. B-best batting percentage of everyone."

"Then we've got nothing to worry about!"

"Right! N-nothing to worry about. Nothing at all."

"Mach schnell!" The men in Hogan's office could hear Schultz calling excitedly from the other room, "The game is about to begin!"

"Well, here goes nothing!" Hogan said, "Now Lebeau, you're keeping the krauts distracted when we're between innings, correct?"

"Oui. If my cooking does not distract them, then nothing will!"

"Well, let's hope that your cooking distracts them, then."

"You know what I meant."

"Hogan!" The men could hear Klink calling giddily from outside, "I dearly hope you are ready for a battle. My men will prove the superiority of the Third Reich by beating you at your own game!" Hogan and Carter stepped out of the barracks and towards the makeshift diamond.

"Now sir," Colonel Hogan said jovially, "Don't expect the Allied Avengers to go down without a fight. This is, as you so eloquently put it, our game."

"Don't be so cocky Hogan! We, the German Juggernauts have a few tricks up our sleeves as well." Klink replied gleefully.

"Now," Klink continued, walking towards the diamond "let's get this game started, shall we?"

"Great!" Hogan said, "Now, we're the home team, aren't we?"

"I beg to differ, Hogan! I think we are the home team." Klink replied

"Now why would you say that? Stalag 13 is our home, right men?"

"Absolutely not! We are on German soil, and as such, the German team should be home!"

"Whatever you say, sir. You do realize that this means the Allied Avengers bat first?"

"Yes Hogan, but it doesn't matter who bats first…what matters most is what team bats best!"

"Too true, eh Carter"

"Yeah, sure Colonel." Carter gulped nervously.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! Summer really got in my way (not that that's entirely bad). Anyways, here's the next update! Thanks once again to everyone who reviewed...feel free to continue doing so! As always, I do not own Hogan's Heroes.

Chapter Seven:

The sun beat down hot upon the players and spectators as the game began. Klink stood on the pitcher's mound, waiting to pitch.

"Alright, Carter, this is it." Hogan said, pushing Carter towards the plate.

"Yeah. Sure…sure Colonel." Carter said nervously. Carter lined himself up and awaited Klink's pitch. Klink looked as Schultz, who was the catcher for a few seconds, wound up, and…

"Wow! Did you see that curveball? Who knew Klink could actually pitch?" Rodgers, an American corporal said in amazement as Carter swung and missed.

"Well, this puts a dent in our plans, doesn't it?" Hogan said as Carter struck out.

"Carter, I thought you said you could hit!"

"I did! Well, I can. Well…I did have the best batting average on my team after all."

"Carter, why was your batting average so good?"

" Well, because I only had one at bat and one hit, sir."

"Carter…"

"Sorry Colonel."

"I'm up! Wish me luck." Rodgers said, grabbing the bat out of Carter's hands and stepping over towards the plate.

"Strike one!" Lebeau, who was acting as the umpire, called as Rogers swung at a fastball and missed. Strikes two and three were not far behind.

"Sorry, Colonel. I'm actually a decent hitter, honest!" Rogers said, handing the bat to Hogan. Hogan took the bat and stepped up to the plate, ready to take his chance at hitting the baseball into the woods.

"Strike three, you're out." Lebeau cried

"Looks like getting this baseball over the fence is going to be much more difficult than we thought." Carter said quietly as Hogan sat down on the bench beside him.

"Carter, I believe you have just won the award for understatement of the year." Hogan said, taking a swig from a canteen.

"Hogan! Are you coming? The mighty German Juggernauts are up at bat!" Klink cried from the opposing bench.

"Yeah, we're coming." Hogan said, standing up and heading for the pitcher's mound.

XXXXXXXXX

Four innings came and went, and the German Juggernauts were absolutely destroying the Allied Assassins. Unfortunately, the ball had not yet been hit over the prison fence, and to say that Colonel Hogan was getting anxious was an understatement.

"Colonel Klink!" He yelled over to the opposing team just before the bottom of the fifth inning.

"Yes Hogan? Don't tell me you're giving up already!" Klink replied happily

"Of course not, sir, I would just like to call a break so we can have a team meeting. Lebeau, you did say that you made bratwurst for anyone who was interested, right?"

"Oui, Colonel"

"Oh, I am interested! I am very interested! Please, Kommandant, may we break for lunch?" Schultz asked Colonel Klink pleadingly.

"Well, yes, I suppose that's alright." Klink said as he walked over to where Lebeau had set out a very nice lunch of bratwurst with mustard, sauerkraut, and potatoes.

Once the German team was out of earshot, Hogan beckoned his team to huddle around him and said,

"Now remember, guys, the point isn't to win…although granted that would have been a fabulous side effect. The point is to get this baseball over that fence come hell or high water. We know that Klink can pitch, so let's see if the other krauts know how to hit one out of the park."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed my story! You guys are seriously the best. As always, feel free to comment, critique, and criticize. I still don't own Hogan's Heroes.

Chapter Eight

Hogan stood on the pitcher's mound, staring at Schultz as he practiced a few warm up swings.

"You ready, Schultz?"

"Absolutely, Colonel Hogan!" Hogan wound up, and then threw a slow, straight pitch right where Schultz was most likely to swing.

CRACK! The echo of the bat hitting the baseball reverberated and echoed through the forest as the ball sailed towards the outer edge of the fence. The baseball flew higher and higher and farther and farther until...

"Did you see that, Kommandant Klink? I hit that baseball right into the forest!"

"You'd better run the bases, Schultz"

"Of course, Colonel Hogan!" Schultz replied as the Germans started rejoicing. The prisoners all looked suitably glum.

"Ha ha, Hogan! Now you see the glory of the Third Reich made evident! We have beaten you at your own game!" Klink said gloatingly as the Germans began to sing the Deutschlandlied loudly and victoriously.

"You sure did, Klink, you sure did." Hogan said.

"Uh oh, Colonel, it appears we have company." Lebeau said quietly.

"Don't tell me that's General what's-his-bucket from last week." Kinch added

"Coffee pot, men. Kinch, get on the walkie-talkie and see if our man from the underground successfully got that baseball. And Carter? You know what to do."

"Yes, sir."

"Colonel Klink, do you know what I found as I was driving through these woods?" The hissing and nasal voice of General Werner made its way over the coffee pot's speaker.

"If he found our contact we're done for!"

"I have no idea, sir! No escaped prisoners I am absolutely certain…we just had our last roll call and not one man is missing. And besides, the guards have been watching the prisoners very closely this entire time."

"Oh, I am not concerned about the escaped prisoners at this point; Klink…my concern is completely different."

"It is?" Klink squeaked

"After I…strongly suggested you increase patrols, my men were scouting through these woods for an entire hour before they came across any German patrols whatsoever." The general said in a sinister voice.

"Sir, our patrols are out there…"

"Really Klink? I never saw any. I must say that openly disobeying a Gestapo general is one of the…shall we say stupidest things you could ever do."

"Sir, but we…"

"NO EXCUSES KLINK!" General Werner took a second to compose himself before continuing in an even more threatening and sinister voice, "Now, I will be presenting all of my findings to Berlin, and I can assure you that they will be most…displeased with my report." A long pause followed, before he almost whispered, "I would pack my warmest clothing if I were you. They say that Russia can be quite cold in the winter time." At this, the coffee pot fell silent. Just then, Kinch entered into the barracks from the secret entrance underneath the bunk bed.

"Kinch, what did our contact say?" Hogan asked

"Everything went according to plan. The microfilm is on its way to the next location."

"Good, thanks Kinch. Carter?"

"Everything is set up, sir."

"Good. Now all we have to do is wait."

"Colonel, Schultz is coming." Newkirk said from his post by the window.

"And it looks like the wait is over." Hogan said

"Colonel Hogan! Kommandant Klink would like to see you in his office right now!" Schultz said, still panting from the exertion of walking the short distance from the Kommandant's office to the barracks.

"Alright, I'm coming Schultz." Hogan said and followed Schultz out of the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hogan. I'm doomed. I'm done for!" Klink said, wringing his hands as he paced around the small office.

"Oh, come on, Kommandant, whatever it is it can't be that bad…" Hogan replied

"It's not that bad, it's worse! General Werner is driving to Berlin right now to report his findings on this prison camp to the Gestapo."

"Sir, last time I checked this camp was still the only POW camp in Germany with a no escape record."

"It's not that, Hogan! General Werner expressly ordered me to increase the patrols, and the one day he checks to make sure that I am compliant is the one day we're playing baseball." Klink stopped his pacing and glared at Hogan. "This is all your fault."

"My fault, how is this my fault?"

"If you hadn't had us all play that stupid game, none of this would have ever happened. Now I'm done for! Dismissed, Hogan!"

"Dismissed? Why am I dismissed?"

"I have to start packing. The Russian front is a very cold place, or so I hear."

BOOM! A loud explosion that rattled the windowpanes suddenly interrupted Klink.

"What do you suppose that was, Hogan?" Klink said, rushing over to the window to look outside.

"I'm not sure, sir, but I must say that it sounded an awful lot like a staff car being blown up."

"A staff car being blown up?"

"Yes sir. My guess is an Allied air raid got him."

"An Allied air raid, Hogan?"

"Undoubtedly, sir."


End file.
